The Truth About Myself
By Sarah Maker Deyst
“God, help me to believe the truth about myself, No matter how beautiful it is!” –Macrina Wiederkehr
I found these words on a bookmark while on a retreat a few years back. This quote challenged me to consider: What is the truth I believe about myself? I knew I would never believe a beautiful truth about myself if I continued to rely solely upon my limited critical perspective. I needed help from God if I was going to dare to believe a beautiful truth about myself.
I found help as I used my imagination to ponder the story of Jesus’ baptism.
Listen—Read Mark 1:9-11
Reading this passage about Jesus’ baptism, I am aware of how many of our senses it engages. Imagine: Jesus hears the crowd around him talking. He smells the riverbank. He tastes the Jordan River on his lips. He sees the heavens “torn apart”—a description that makes me think everyone present took notice of this event. He sees the Spirit of God descend upon him in the form of a dove, and hears a voice from heaven say, “You are my Son, the Beloved; with you I am well pleased.” (NRSV) Jesus’ baptism is a full body experience engaging all of his senses. There is no doubt that Jesus has received a very special blessing!
I invite you to read the passage again slowly. Close your eyes. Breathe deeply. Ask the Holy to be with you as you imagine the scene. What does the Jordan look like? Smell like? Is it a cloudy, rainy, or clear day? Who are you—a bystander, John the Baptist, or Jesus himself? Go a step further, and imagine it’s your turn to be baptized. Imagine the Spirit of God saying to you: “You are my beloved. With you I am well pleased.” How does that feel?
Reflect—Read Mark 1:12-13
In this passage, Mark tells us that immediately following Jesus’ baptism, he enters a time of trial. When I read Mark’s description of the Spirit driving Jesus into the wilderness where wild beasts keep him company, I cannot help but think of Maurice Sendak’s Where The Wild Things Are. If you recall, Max—the hero—dreams he visits where the wild things are. Eventually Max grows weary of monsters and wilderness adventures. He yearns to return where he knows he’s cared for and loved. So Max returns home, where his dinner is “waiting for him, and it is still hot”. Someone greets Max with love and care.
Similarly to how Max knows he has a loving home, to which he can return, Jesus knows he is not left alone in the wilderness. Mark tells us that in the midst of undergoing forty days worth of tests, “the angels [wait] on him.” Could it be that these angels wait upon Jesus by reminding him of God’s love? I believe Jesus survives this time of trial because he remembers with every fiber of his being his baptismal blessing: “You are my Son, the Beloved. With you I am well pleased.” It’s as though with each test, Jesus can return to the knowledge of God’s love for him—seared into his entire being at his baptism—to help him persevere.
Q: What helps you to persevere when you find yourself in a wilderness time?
Connect
In the rite of baptism, we celebrate God’s blessing of love for each person. I believe God’s blessing extends to all people, baptized or not. For me, however, the love of God that we celebrate in the act of baptism has greatly influenced how I see myself. As one who struggles at times with self-confidence, I have not always seen my inner truth as beautiful or lovable. Remembering God’s love and acceptance, through the act of baptism, has helped me grow into the beautiful truth that I am indeed lovable and capable. For me, the story of Jesus’ baptism has become a spiritual touchstone—a home base to which I return in order to remember my essential truth:“You are my beloved. With you I am well pleased.”
Q: What barriers or blinders keep you from seeing yourself as a beloved child of God?
Act
I’ve come to think of Jesus’ baptism as God’s commissioning of him for his work here on Earth. Jesus’ ability to remember and express the beautiful truth of God’s love forms his identity and empowers him to begin and grow his ministry. Indeed, following his wilderness ordeal, Jesus publicly proclaims, “The Spirit of the Lord is upon me.” (Luke 4:18) Jesus knows that God’s Spirit will see him through any future challenges.
In the week ahead, I invite you to:
- Reflect upon God’s original blessing: “You are my beloved. With you I am well pleased.”
- Talk with someone you trust about how your understanding of yourself as a child of God impacts how you see yourself as well as others.
- From what you learn, go to God in prayer asking for help in your areas of need, that you may grow to believe the truth about yourself, no matter how beautiful it is!
Sarah Maker Deyst lives with her husband and two daughters in Boxborough, MA. She may be reached at sarahhmaker@comcast.net.